A Classic Love Story
by Star Slightly To The Right
Summary: Because love is never easy. CRACK


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There once was a boy named Kurosaki Ichigo (well, I guess I shouldn't say once since he's still living, and if he isn't, well, say goodbye to Ichihime forever, but that seems to disastrous and thus, if that were to happen, the entire world would surely implode).

Oh well, back to the story.

Kurosaki Ichigo was in fact a teenager with orange hair. Pretty amazing, right? No. Too bad.

Well, I bet this will knock your socks off:

He is also – DUN DUN DUUUN! – a _Shinigami_! Bet'cha didn't expect that, now did you?

Huh?

You did.

Darn, it would've been good if you hadn't.

Oh well.

Anyways, let's continue the story.

So, apparently, there was a giant war along with people that were not in the fillers and others that I do not care for or know. And I'm sure Kurosaki Ichigo felt the exact same way. Well, any who, after Ichigo's large victory (I wouldn't exactly call it that, though he did beat up Aizen, Urahara will forever be the ultimate troll.

Ichigo: 0

Aizen: 0

Urahara: 1).

Somehow, Ichigo lost his powers and then went into depression. A very bad depression, which was not put into the show due to the little brains of children viewers. In his depression, he shaved off his orange hair, scowled a lot more, and missed the season finale of Degrassi. You can only imagine how upset he was. While we watch him in his depressed state, we also thought of a certain Shinigami.

Yes, yes, Rukia is gone. She has also missed the season finale of Degrassi, but I don't care very much anymore. Anyway, she took Renji away (dodges paper balls thrown towards Author). Yes, yes, I know, Renji was the best thing after Ichigo. After all, he did come in the top twenty characters. I mean, who doesn't like his hair? And let's not forget he also voices in yaoi. Well, anyways, we also lost everyone in the Soul Society.

But who cares~!

Just a few short months later, Ichigo decided to do something with his life and go out and stare at his Shinigami Pass. Too bad it is a piece of crap and he threw in the river to get rid of his depression. After that, a bunch of crap happens, you can't trust people, and Ichigo is crying. Looks like the depression is back, even though it was voted _the Best Cry Ever_ for 2011. Okay, so after that, Ichigo got his powers, reunited with his old friends, and had the best lazy facial expression in the history of the world.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, we can continue on with the story.

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I spy with my little eye orange hair. So let's zoom in and start.

Wow. Is that his real hair? Well, what does it matter. Kurosaki Ichigo, after beating up some random bullies that picked on him, continued on his way, leaving the three half-dead and possibly with no chance of survival. As the crows began to pick on the three, Ichigo walked away in his usual swagger.

Yes, yes, Sexy Ichigo is back and it doesn't look like he's going anywhere anytime soon. After all the years, Ichigo has gained some nice-looking abs, gorgeous face, and somehow his abnormal hair looks beautiful. After you are finish drooling, please focus your attention on the story.

"Goddammit," Ichigo grouses, "Why do I feel like I'm being constantly watched?" He whips his head around and crooks a brow, his chocolate brown eyes flashing intensely. Obviously, he does not hear the fangirls scream in the background, because he continues on his way, hand tucked in pocket, and eyes forward.

"Yo, Ichigo!"

Said man turns his head in time to see Arisawa Tatsuki rushing towards him. She grew out her hair, and it now looks like a mullet, but let's not dawdle on her hairstyle, because at least she has some damn personality. Well, here she comes, one hand on hip, and other holding her bag.

"Did you find the manga?" She asked in typical conversation.

Ichigo's scowl deepens. Fangirls loose blood and are driven off to the hospital, much to Ryuken's irritation. As he turns towards his childhood friend, he says, "Nah. It's somewhere in my room."

"Can't you see?" She asks, fully annoyed already. Ah, good old Tatsuki.

"Well, ever since my Old Man started doing _other_ _things_ to my mom's poster, I decided I should leave the house much more quickly in the morning," he says.

Tatsuki crooks a brow while Ichigo's shudders, "What _kinds_ of things…Oh. _Oh_." She understands this and awkwardly drops the conversation, "You…You can keep the manga."

"Thanks," And now, due to the silence, Ichigo and Tatsuki walk together to school. When reaching the educational center, Ichigo was then tackled, but was unlucky, and did not sidestep in time.

"ICHIIIGOOO~!"

Somehow, he stayed on his feet, but Keigo stayed clamped against his back.

"I missed you so, so, so, so, so, soooo much, Ichigo~! And not in a overly gay way that makes the fangirls squeal like pigs…"

Tatsuki frowns, "What fangirls?"

"Never mind," Keigo drops the subject and returns his attention to Ichigo, "So, do you wanna hang out after school? Do ya, Ichigo? Do ya, do ya, do ya—"

Slowly, Ichigo's head turns and the dark, dark aura radiates ominously around him, "There is nothing about you that doesn't make me so disgusted that I want to violently vomit out my own intestines. I despise you so much that I cannot tell if my vision is blurry because I didn't get enough sleep last night or for my unforgiving rage. If allowed, once I have fully awaken and alert, I will gut you with an honest to God smile on my face and then proceed to paint my entire room with your very blood."

There is a speck of silence.

And then Keigo grins wide, "YAY~! We're friends!"

Well, after that disturbing scene, it is time for the main point of the story. Suddenly, there is a shout,

"Kurosaki-kuuun~! Tatsuki-chaaan~! Other people I do not knooow~!"

The air stops. The clouds stop. And a bird flies into a building, much to Ryuken's annoyance.

There is slow-motion next and the breeze goes stronger, and those strange bubbles that appear in shoujo manga to make a romantic moment pop up magically. Slowly, Ichigo turns his head in slow-mo and there _she_ is.

She, she is beautiful. Her hair is long, reaching her slim waist, and her body is sinful in the tan sweater and small skirt and long socks that reach her thighs. Sometimes, he thinks that the writers would maybe draw her with something else, but nope, she continues to stand out in that shorter than short skirt of the stereotypical big-boobed, bimbo with gorgeous looks. But Ichigo knows she is much more than that and she was created just for him, just for this moment, and just for—

And then the entire crowd of teenage, hormone driven students crowd around her almost instantly. Ichigo's mouth falls open and his heart falls down to his feet.

Tatsuki smirks, "There go her admirers."

Mizuiro, who hadn't gone unnoticed by the Author with his new hairstyle, frowns curiously, "I thought they were just the background characters. You know, to make things more dramatic in this series."

Casually, Keigo shrugs his shoulders (he had somehow gotten off of Ichigo in the last moment. Gotta love anime). "You would think Kubo-sama would bring back a couple of characters. I mean, have you seen Chizuru, Ryou, and Michiru? They didn't get any new hairstyles."

Tatsuki shrugs, "I heard they got cut. After all, air time is very important."

All heads nod in agreement.

Well, back to Ichigo.

Of course, the warrior feels jealousy as he watched the girl being swarmed by men. Crunching his fists and teeth, he stomps over to the scene and glowers at all the men. Another batch of fangirls collapse from nosebleeds and Ryuken considers quitting his job, much to his exasperation.

"I-I'm sorry," the young redhead is saying when Ichigo reaches her, "I'm not interested."

Many boys are unhappy by this, but doesn't relent. When one grasps her arm, Ichigo decides to take action. Pulling out his trusty can of spinach, he flexes his muscles, grins, and pulls his fist back. His knuckles meet a chin and suddenly the boy is flying.

"BLASTING OFF AGAAAAIIIN!" He shouts and the sky sparkles when he vanishes from view. Taking this as a hint to leave and take their breaks in their trailers, the background people back off of Inoue and soon, all that is left is the main characters (kinda).

"I…" Sado begins.

Uryu crooks a brow, for he had been there the entire moment, but had not been brought up by the Author. Maybe if he took his shirt off once and a while, he would have more rates like Ichigo.

Any who, let's return to the two bright-haired people. Orihime beams at Ichigo.

"Thank you, Kurosaki-kun."

And though many fangirls hate when she says, _Kurosaki-kun_, Ichigo finds this adorable and gives her a silly smile.

Giving his "_Goofy_" chuckle (Yes, yes, from Disney), he replies, "No problem, Inoue. That pesky Team Rocket have been stealing around these parts again. I wouldn't want you hurt." He decides, at this moment, he wants to confess his feelings to her, tell her how much he loves, her, but yet, the Author does not want that just yet.

Orihime blinks, "Wha…What?"

But her inquiry goes unanswered as Sado _finally_ finishes his sentence, "…am here."

"Well, now that I was interrupted by Sado-kun," says Orihime innocently, "I will walk away and go to class, leaving Kurosaki-kun to go through his inner, teenage angst, as per usual."

And with that, she skips off.

Ichigo hangs his head, "Shame…shame…guilt…" he mutters.

Ishida cleans his glasses for no apparent reason.

Tatsuki, lazing about, chews on her gum. When an intern nudges her on the shoulder, she frowns and glances at the camera, which has flipped back to her. "Oh! Oh! My bad!" she tucks her phone away and yanks out the script, flipping through the pages. "Okay, page thirty-two…Um," she licks her lips, "Ichigo, why don't you just confess already?" She suggest robotically.

Mizuiro crooks a brow, "I thought you supported IchiRuki."

"Man, fuck the police," Tatsuki said offhandedly. Keigo blinks in confusion.

"_Anyways_," Ishida prompts heavily, glaring at the dojo champion for not completing her lines, "Kurosaki, I think she's right. After all, everyone has been waiting for you to confess," he gestures to the obvious hiding fangirls in the bushes, "Actually, I would say about fifty percent of the viewers of Bleach manga are waiting for _something_ to happen."

"Didn't the Head Captain and Byakuya already die?" Keigo puts in, "Shouldn't that be enough for the fanbase?"

Yanking out his iPhone, Ishida searches the web, "Apparently not. It seems fans have gotten even angrier. Have you checked out Twitter recently?"

Tatsuki shrugs, "Nope."

"I stop following you," Mizuiro says.

"WHAT!" Uryu exclaims, "Why?!"

"Remember when you made that comment about fat chicks?" Mizuiro continues, "That was gross."

Uryu, upset, tucks away his iPhone.

"Shame…shame…unhappiness," Ichigo continues, slowly making his way to class.

"You know, the whole time I was kinda waiting for Renji and Ichigo to get back together." Says Tatsuki.

"That's because you're sick in the head," Keigo spits.

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Now, after that pointless conversation, we find ourselves staring into the screen, watching as Ichigo walks towards his home, the suns setting. The Author can never understand how he gets home so late.

As he walks past the river, Ichigo jerks when he hears,

"Tomoya-kun!"

A dark-blue haired man turned, "Oh. Nagisa. Hey."

The girl's eyes appeared upset, "Fuko-chan is—"

"OI!" Both heads turn and are surprised to see a tall boy with orange hair, extremely pissed, "CAN YOU DO YOUR SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE!? I'M HAVING A MOMENT HERE!"

Nagisa squeals in fright and Tomoya takes her hand, leading her away from the strangeness of this guy. As they leave, Ichigo huffs irritably and scowls.

"Whatever," he grunts.

"Hey, dumbass."

Ichigo turns his head in time to see Rukia and Renji standing there, appearing to be there for no apparent reason and somehow dressed in human, ordinary clothes, with what money, Ichigo does not know.

"Oh, hey, you guys," Ichigo greets softly.

Rukia raises a brow, "What's with the horse face?"

Ichigo's head snaps back up, "What?"

She blinks, "Horse face. You know. That joke."

Renji rolls his eyes as he continues to play _Angry Birds_ on his phone.

Ichigo scowls at her, "You mean _long face_?"

She mulls it over and then shrugs, "I don't know. I am so high on PCP right now." Standing next to Ichigo, she sneers her lip up at him, "Are you alright?"

He drops his gaze sullenly, "Yeah. I'm fine."

"Well," she turns in the other direction, "if you say so—"

Ichigo clamps a hand on her small shoulder, "HEY! You're supposed to listen to me, stupid!"

Rukia turns back towards him and then glances at the director, "I am?"

Kneading his temples, the director shrugs, "Right now, I'm not even sure."

Shrugging her tiny shoulders, Rukia nods, "Alright, what's the problem?"

"Well…" Ichigo drags out a breath, "I've always wondered what it was like to be free. You know, travel places with Kagome and defeat Naraku—"

"Psst!" Renji hisses, "Wrong anime!"

Ichigo grimaces, "Oh. Yeah. Sorry." Clearing his throat, he continues, "Um, I want to confess my feelings to Inoue, you know? But she's so pretty and smells just like red bean paste, and it makes me nervous when her skirt flies up. Whenever I'm around her, there's a party in my pants."

Rukia frowns at this, "Remember, Ichigo. Drugs aren't cool."

A veins thrashes in his temple, "Dammit. Would you focus for five seconds and listen?! What do I do?"

"Well, love is a very important thing, Ichigo," Renji says, "It can overpower you sometimes, it can break your heart, and most of the times, it's too dangerous. That's why, if you go to your local church, you can learn about how a man and woman are supposed to bond," Turning towards the screen, Renji stared into the lens seriously, "That is, when you're married."

The director gives a thumbs-up, "Nice job, Renji!"

Renji grins in reply, "Really? Thanks. Am I off for the day?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, go have fun."

Just then, Renji phone goes off. Answering swiftly, he says, "Oh, hey, Ulquiorra. Yeah. I'm free…" And walks off camera.

Regaining his composure, Ichigo says, "I'm not even sure how to talk to her anymore, Rukia. Please, help me!"

"God, you're whinier than usual," Rukia grouses.

Unexpectedly, Ichigo rips off his shirt, revealing his very, very, very, _very_ nice body. Posing, he grins saucily, "It gets me more fans."

Even more fangirls faint from the overwhelming emotions, much to Ryuken's aggravation.

"Too bad your hollow has more," Rukia checks out her nails lazily.

"Yeah…" Ichigo's eyes widens, "Wait—WHAT!"

"What really matters Ichigo is your feelings," she says, breaking from the subject, "And hers too." She places a gentle hand on his arm.

"Wow," Ichigo frowns down at her, "You're being nice for once."

"Nope," she says, "I'm just hoping to make a Grammy this year." Returning her attention to him, she says, "Why don't you confess right now? It'll give you practice."

"Right now?" Ichigo grimaces, his muscles flexing powerfully, much to Ryuken's frustration. "Alright, I'll give it a try." Turning to the sea, he yells, "I LOVE INOUE ORIHIME!"

"Oh, how cliché," says Rukia, her attention going to the redhead standing a few feet away, "She's right behind you."

Whirling around in shock, Ichigo is horrified to see Orihime standing there, her bag slipping from her fingers and her hair tangling around her.

_Doki, doki, doki,_ goes Ichigo's heart.

On the top of the screen, white words appear, _"Doki means the sound of a heartbeat, as if thud, thud, thud."_ Irritably, Ichigo knocks the words from the screen. People are not sure where Rukia went, but most are hoping she never comes back.

Anyway, back to Ichigo. He swallows and sweat trickles on his body.

"You love me, Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime whispers through her perfectly glossed lips.

Normally, Ichigo would've ran, but he stood there and nodded numbly. And with that (cue the overdramatic breeze and romantic music) Orihime ran forward and into Ichigo's arms, much to fangirls' anger.

After all, Ichigo is _great_ shirtless. Just _great_.

"Thank Kami-sama!" Orihime breathes happily, "After all, I was getting tired of waiting. You know, I was thinking of loosing my virginity to Grimmjow-kun."

Ichigo inhaled the smell of her and then grimaced, "Wait…what?"

"But it would've been okay anyway since I can just reject my hymen back into place, so it would be as though it never happened, and I would still be a virgin for you!"

In the background, Grimmjow curses.

Ichigo smiles softly, Such a great girl. And, much to Ryuken's enjoyment, he leans down and kisses her.

Thank goodness.

Rukia watches blandly, "I guess that's it for Ichigo and Renji pairings."

Tatsuki sheds a tear.

As Ichigo kisses Orihime, he holds her tight.

And they lived Happily Ever After.

(Well, not really, since Ichigo is bound for someone to come after him in the next episode, but whatever…)

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**Weeeeellll, did you like it? LOL! I was sooo bored. And I wanted to write a parody. TFS reference, BTW. **

**Thanks for reading. Please review. **

**-Star**


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